The True Cost of Conformity

When I was growing up, my parents used to say I didn’t climb over walls. I ran through them. In fact, my mom even shared this with one of my girlfriend's when they first met each other. Fortunately she stuck around and we're now married.

"Running through walls" wasn’t necessarily defiant. It was how I approached obstacles. If something stood in the way, I didn’t dwell on it. I looked for a way through.

That same energy carried into my work life. It helps me lead, problem-solve, and move quickly. But it also made me see how most systems are built for people who move different from me.

Workplaces reward predictability. Meetings favor quick thinkers. Performance reviews highlight linear goals. Collaboration often values confidence over reflection.

The unspoken rule is simple: if you match the rhythm, you belong.

But fitting in comes with a cost.

Conformity takes energy

Let’s be honest, the only things most of us actually “drive” are cars. Or occasionally, our spouses crazy.

Neurodivergent people often spend that energy trying to sound, look, and think like everyone else. This is sometimes called "masking", and it's exhausting. Over time, the effort drains the very creativity and insight that make them valuable - the very reason these people were often hired in the first place!

When you spend years translating yourself into a language a system understands, you begin to forget what your own voice sounds like.

That realization hit me one afternoon while scrolling LinkedIn.

Every profile I read started to sound the same: “leading innovation,” “aligning cross-functional teams,” “driving outcomes.”

Let’s be honest, the only things most of us actually “drive” are cars. Or occasionally, our spouses crazy.

It all felt familiar, until I came across LinkedIn Profiles like Trent Synergius.

Trent describes himself as a Fractional Visionary and KPI Prophet who “turns chaos into deliverables”. Also, he doesn’t chase impact. He "calendars" it.

Then came Mavericka Datawell, an Empathy Technologist and OKR Oracle who “aligns synergy and humanity, sometimes in the same meeting.”

They aren’t real people. But they could be. They represent the version of ourselves we create when we believe professionalism means sounding like everyone else. Or even worse - an algorithm.

Conformity might look safe, but it’s expensive. It costs perspective, originality, and the spark that makes real collaboration possible. In other words... it costs our humanity. And with the age of AI now here, we cannot afford that.

I still run through walls sometimes. But now I try to create spaces where others don’t have to. This Newsletter is an example of that.

A Neurodiverse Perspective

From a neurodiverse perspective, this is not just a "communication" issue. It’s a design issue. Systems that only accommodate one way of thinking don't adapt. They can't. They might be efficient, but they aren’t resilient and attract autocratic leadership.

True inclusion begins when difference stops being treated as deviation. When leaders realize that fitting in is not the same as flourishing. The future won’t be built by people who blend in. It will be built by people who see differently.

I still run through walls sometimes. But now I try to create spaces where others don’t have to. This Newsletter is an example of that.

What does “fit” look like in your organization? And how much creativity do we lose when everyone sounds the same?